New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize