boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
