My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
