I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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