A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
