Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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