Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
