No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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