I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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