what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
