I wish I could punch you in the face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
