I have demons in me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk is not a location!
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