I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
