I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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