I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
