Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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