I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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