i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
