You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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