Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
