I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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