I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
