another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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