i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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