Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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