A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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