I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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