it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
