Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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