Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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