Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
either way he was missing a nipple.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
