remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
