I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
