My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
