youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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