Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
