its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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