she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
