I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
