I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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