He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
