You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize