No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
