Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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