Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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