If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
