I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
