If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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