Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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