ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
