ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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