What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
