Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
