her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm bleeding and have questions
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
