i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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