It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
