hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
