She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
