haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
