you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
