so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize