I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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