3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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