we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
