6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
