i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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