6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
