from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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