Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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