The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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