I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
