Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
