There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
