Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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