I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
