im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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