Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
