Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
