I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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