Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
