Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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