So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
