If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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