Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize